I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
