***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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