I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
