I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
