I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
