I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
