Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
