I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
