Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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