before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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