Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
