I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
