its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
