How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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