Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
