his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
