i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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