saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
