Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
