my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
