just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
