I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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