I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
