If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Even my vagina gasped.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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