you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
