Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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