So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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