FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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