wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
