The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
