I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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