The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
