i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
