nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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