I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
