I puked a lego.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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