I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
