im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
