I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
