for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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