why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
