I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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