Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
