I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I have already put on my inside pants.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
