First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
