Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
