to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
