And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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