I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
