That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
